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"For Better or For Worse" Our Personal Worse. "Til Death Do You Part."

August 21, 2018

 

The definition of "Worse" according to Wikipedia is "Worse (adjective) comparative of bad, ill. of poorer  quality or a lower standard; less desirable. (noun) a more serious or unpleasant event or circumstance."

 

If you knew what the word 'worse' really meant, would you have gotten married? Who really sits down before they get married and have a conversation about what would be the 'worse' in our marriage? In our 20 years of marriage counseling and the hundreds of sessions we've conducted, we've never heard of anyone having that type of conversation, not even us. Maybe couples need to have that kind of conversation before they get married.

 

Here is our marital 'worse' that occurred over the past 22 years of marriage. My pornography addiction-Worse. Sonya's controlling demeanor-Worse. My going to the club or bar.-Worse. Sonya having six miscarriages-Worse. Sonya sister's death-Worse. My father's death-Worse. Home foreclosure-Worse. Living in a hotel for 5 months-Worse. Cars repossessed-Worse. Loss of employment-Worse. Fights that were destructive-Worse. My 21 day hospitalization due to lung infection-Worse.

 

Now, here we are August 2018 and we are facing -'worse' yet again. Sonya's mother was diagnosed with M.S. 11 years ago, she has been stricken to a wheel chair for the past 4 years. Sonya's father was mom's care provider ever since, but last year Sonya's father got into a car accident and since then his mental & physical health have declined.  

 

No longer is he able to care for the woman he has been married to for 54 years-Worse. The responsibility of us now taking care of two elderly parents in their condition-Worse. 

 

Husbands, what is your worse? What did you do? Some men stay in the marriage and find other poor coping mechanisms. Some men deal with the worse and have resentment and some men just don't do anything and leave it all on their wives. Where are the men who stay in the marriage when the worse hits? Where is the man who will make sure that his wife doesn't need or want for anything when the worse hits?

 

A wife wants a man to handle the worse, to stand in the gap, to put his finger in the hole when the boat is getting full of water, to fly the plane when the pilot drops dead, to be Mr. Incredible and stand in front of his family to prevent the arch enemy from killing them. A husband who can do all that, has a strong relationship with God, because that is where he gets his strength from so he can handle the worse. 

 

Let me remind you (Men) of who you are as God sees you. You are the head and not the tail, you are above and not beneath, you are the lender and not the borrower, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. You walk by faith and not by what you see. You say to that mountain to move and it will move.

 

God didn't make men with weak backs, twisted wrists, soft spoken, insecure, crooked walking, walk with their heads down, complain and cry about their circumstances men. God pulled man out the dust of the ground, with strong backs, strong wrists, voice of power and no fear. Sin has altered the mind and the heart of men, but God's creation has never been altered.

 

He made men to handle their business and depend on him for help. He made men to handle the worse. Men don't just walk away from their wives and children because their emotions have been bruised. Men don't get a trick (that's my name for them) on the side to make them feel good. Men don't put their hands on a women because they are angry. Oh, I meant to preface "Real Men"

 

I believe that men give up when it's the worse because they never seen a man stay in the fight. They never seen a man go through adversity and stay. They never had a man in their lives long enough to witness this phenomenon of staying when it gets bad. Boys should have had the opportunity to watch their father face adversity, face the worse and watch him handle his business. That boy should have been sitting on a fence with his popcorn in his hand watching Daddy handle the worse. Unfortunately, there was no fence, no popcorn and no man to watch.

 

Boys have watched men walk out, men quit, men complain and it has been the women who stepped up in place of the absent man to handle the worse. Momma, Grandma, Big Mamma, Auntie had to step up in the place of where a man should've been. When the worse came they handled their business. However, if a boy didn't learned how to handle the worse from his Daddy, he is more likely to do what his Daddy did. Walked away from the worse. A boy needs a man to coach him, to teach him, to admonish him, to encourage him when the worse comes.

 

A man is defined by who he really is when the worse comes. His character and integrity will be unmasked during the worse. When the mask is off, what do you do?  Despite what the worse means to you, you made a vow, til death do you part. A real man honors his vows.

 

Counseling for men Visit www.themenscounselingnetwork.org

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