With over 22 years of marriage, it's safe to say that we have had our share of reasons for ending our marriage. Pornography struggles, financial mismanagement, mutual disrespect, aggressive behaviors, emasculation and mistrust just to name a few.
One thing we do know is that the feeling of unresolved hurt can paralyze a marriage, so you are not alone. Marriage has a way of bringing out a range of emotions that may have laid dormant in a person for years. Once a person feels that kind of pain they don't want to experience it again. Most people don't want a divorce, they just want the pain to end. When do you throw in the towel and walk away from the vow you made to God?
Marriage is an institution that God created and it has been taken too lightly, by too many and trusting God has been thrown out the window. It appears that examples in the bible of persistence, prayer and fasting are just fairy tales today. Oh, there is that scripture about forgiveness. Was it "7 x 70" ? Hmmmm...that must apply to other people.
Over the 20 years of doing marriage counseling we've found that 90% of couples should not have gotten married. Not because they didn't love each other or had a vision of living happily ever after, but because they just didn't know the truth about marriage and were not prepared. The hidden things about marriage comes out the second you both say "I Do".
Before saying "I Do", each couple must evaluate their unspoken and unresolved hurt from their past. Each must explore if their cup is empty from that hurt and they have healed from it, if not, counseling is needed.
Each couple before saying "I do" should be honest about the baggage that they are bringing into the marriage. For example, rejection issues, abandonment issues, trust issues and of course past hurts.
In many cases, the first fight, the first argument, the first sign of mistrust, the first lie comes from an unmet need which should have been met by someone else before marriage. The reality , however, is that most couples don't connect that their past experiences will directly impact their marriage, so when they say "I Do" they are saying "I Do" to their partner's past and they agree to accept everything that comes with it.
When is enough enough? This question must be answered with a series of questions. Did you get individual and/or marriage counseling? Was the counseling received consistent? Meaning were there for at least eight sessions conducted? Do you understand the spiritual attack on marriage and know how to respond spiritually? Have you thought about the long term effects on the children?
When is enough, enough? Our answer... til death do you part.
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